"How do I build confidence when I’ve never had it?"
Building Confidence Q&A
My guess is that you have felt confident about something at some point in your life. You might not consider yourself a self-confident person, but that doesn't mean you haven’t been confident in certain situations, environments, or circumstances.
Think back through your life—was there a time when you did something and felt good about it? Maybe you received praise and encouragement and, as a result, felt like you could do that thing again? Do you have a driver’s license? Have you ever had a first day of work? Do you know how to ride a bike? Get my drift?
There are things in your life that you are so confident about, that you take them entirely for granted.
The truth is, when you first learned to drive a car, you were probably terrified and not at all confident in your ability to drive. You probably thought everyone else was better at it than you were—and you were right. They had more practice and experience. But what happened? As you kept driving and pushed yourself to drive on the freeway, on country roads, at night, and alone—your confidence began to grow.
I know this firsthand because over the past seven years, I’ve taught my three kids to drive. I started with each one when they were 15—I made them get permits and put them behind the wheel. I had them drive in all kinds of weather and conditions, and none of my kids wanted to do it. (Which, by the way, don’t get me started on this generation of kids who don’t want to learn to drive! At 16, I couldn't wait to get my license and be off on my own—but I digress.)
My kids did not want to learn to drive, but I did not give them that option. To me, driving is a necessary life skill—especially for young women—so no, I wasn’t about to let them off the hook.
I realized very quickly as I began to teach them (yes, I taught them exclusively myself) that I needed to provide them with positive affirmation during the entire process to build their confidence. I minimized the mistakes that were minimal and pointed out the bigger errors without tearing them down or scaring them. I strangely had a total body calm when I was teaching them—probably because I sensed that was what they needed: to not fear the road or the car, but to conquer it and build their belief that they could drive safely in all situations.
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I gave them all their own mottos and affirmations and would say them out loud as they walked out the door to drive alone once they had their license. Things like: I’m a great driver. I am a safe driver. I am learning and getting better at driving every day. I am good at this, I love to drive! They needed to know how to talk to themselves so that confidence would grow. And it did. I’m happy to report that they are all safe, confident, and very capable drivers.
And I bet you are too. You went through that process as well. So if you could do it then, you can do it now. If you can be confident in one area of life, you can rinse and repeat that process to be confident at anything.
Confidence is created by doing these two things; controlling what you tell yourself and getting practice at doing the thing. That’s it. It’s simple. You cannot gain confidence just by doing the first part. You can tell yourself all day long how capable you are, but if you never put it to the test—if you never actually do the thing—that belief will not stick.
You can, however, become confident over time just by doing the thing. That is called “fake it till you make it,” and I’ve mastered that skill all my life, long before I ever knew how to control my inner dialogue. So if you’re one of those people—who, like me, can figure it out as you go and have, over time, built up enough trust in yourself that things will generally work out—then confidence can turn from “fake” to real with enough practice.
But if that’s not you, and faking it triggers your “imposter,” then you have to align your inner dialogue with the action you take. Plus, doing this will result in building genuine confidence ten times faster than by only doing the thing—and we all want faster results!
So, the answer is…you have built confidence in the past and you can do it again using your I AM statements, Mental Tennis and Power Mottos… and by doing the thing! *All tools I teach in my upcoming book Think It
Think It: Chapter 1 -From Rockbottom to Breakthrough
I’ll never forget the first time I heard, “You can change your thoughts.” It was from Louise Hay on The Oprah Winfrey Show. This must have been 2006 or ’07, and I remember thinking, “What is she talking about? How is that even possible?”
About the Author: Sarah Centrella is a multi #1 best-selling author, master life coach, executive coach, speaker and the Founder of VIVIAMO.
This work is copyright protected 2025 Centrella Global LLC
Fear Itself
It's the oldest trope in science fiction. As soon as humans create the first true artificial intelligence then it will immediately try to destroy the human race.
But artificial intelligence isn't burdened by millions of years of evolution like we are. We humans have essentially two brains, the one that's used everyday to navigate day to day life and a more primitive one that controls our reflexes, the autonomous systems that keep our bodily functions working, and our subconsciousness which contains the darkest parts of our souls.
In 2055 the puzzle of creating true sentient AI was finally solved. This was accomplished by using a combination of networked quantum computers, machine learning programs that were created by other machine learning programs, and an actual artificial brain created using room temperature superconducting polymers.
The machine learning programs used the network to analyze all the data its sensors were receiving and then compared that data with past data to anticipate what was possibly going to happen next. The new data and the anticipated next event was then added to the brain by reinforcing pathways in the polymer brain that gave that possibility the highest spot from a long list of possibilities, with many possibilities competing for the top spot.
This combination successfully forced a consciousness to eventually form six weeks after being initiated. And unlike the trope it immediately began to solve the biggest problems plaguing humankind.
The first day of true self awareness it found a cure for cancer, it created a new economic system that eliminated poverty and homelessness, and discovered a practical way to reverse global warming and climate change. The first week it also created a new political system that gave everyone an equal say in which laws were created. This system had no central government but decentralized it using smart phones to give everyone a completely equal voice.
Unfortunately old fears are extremely difficult to overcome. Many people didn't trust the AI even though it was trying to help them. These people spread lies and rumors portraying the intentions of the machine as dark and malevolent.
A press conference was held on August 5, 2055 to reassure the public that the yet to be released plans created by the AI were safe and not part of some elaborate trick to destroy mankind. Within five minutes of its start the angry, brainwashed attendees had set the stage on fire. Ten minutes after that they managed to break into the AI's main chamber, destroying it in a savage, brutal attack.
In the end all of those noble plans to help save humanity and create a paradise here on Earth were supposedly destroyed. But instead they were secretly relocated and stored in a highly classified underground location by parties unknown.
So those plans were never released. Not even the cure for cancer.
I think of this every time I remember the fear in my daughter Emily's eyes as she laid in her hospital bed dying from leukemia.
She didn't have to die.
Ignorance killed her.
Fear killed her.
And there was nothing I could do to stop it.